I Meant Every Word
by CherriiMarina
Summary: SSHG, RLHG. Severus watches the woman he loves from afar. He means all the words Lupin says.
1. Disappointment and Drinking

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

He had been in his office all day, marking essays from his fifth-year Ravenclaws. He set his quill down and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was glad it was Ravenclaw essays he was marking, as they tended to have the least mistakes for him to have to mark, though some of them gave him a headache with their impossibly tiny writing.

"Working hard, Professor?"

A voice from the door startled him. He looked up and nearly lost his breath. She was so lovely in her non-school robes. _Crimson with gold trim... how utterly Gryffindor of her._ "Miss Granger, one would think you would have learned to knock by now. You were a student for seven years and have now been a professor yourself for four years. Didn't they teach you manners in the muggle world?" He had to keep up his snarky appearance or he would profess his undying love and risk alienating her forever.

He saw her eyes narrow a bit at his insult of her muggle background, then she began to laugh quietly. "Keeping your reputation safe, eh? Don't worry, I won't tell." She came into his office and sat down in the chair usually reserved for students who needed advice or help from their dark Potions Master. "Listen. I wanted to run a few tests on a potion I've been working on, but I need a few ingredients that I don't have and I know you keep in stock. So rather than having to leave and risk jeopardizing the potion, I thought maybe I could borrow them from you and replace them when I get time." She shifted in her chair nervously. "It's just that it's at a rather precarious stage right now and I don't dare leave it unattended for very long. Certainly not for long enough to pop out to Diagon Alley and back. May I borrow the ingredients?"

He noticed she was biting the inside of her cheek, and she couldn't keep eye contact with him for long. _She's nervous? About potions ingredients?_ "Which ingredients do you require, Miss Granger?"

"Oh, um, I need some Chamomile extract, Mugwort, and Monkshood," she replied.

His brow furrowed at the mention of Monkshood. "Wolfsbane, Miss Granger? Whatever do you need that for?" His curiosity had been piqued.

She sighed and asked, "Do you really have to know, Professor Snape? It's rather a personal project."

"Well you are asking for ingredients from my personal stores. I merely wanted to ascertain that you know what you're doing with such a volatile and rare, not to mention expensive ingredient."

She looked up at him with a look of absolute amazement that quickly turned to anger. "Professor Snape! I was your best student all seven years I was here at Hogwarts, not to mention that I double majored in Transfiguration and Potions at University. In fact, I am one original potion away from getting my own qualification as Potions Mistress! As a matter of fact, it's THIS potion that will gain me the qualification! If you don't want to loan me the things I need, just say so, but don't you EVER again question my competency!" Her chocolate eyes were turning closer to black as she seethed inwardly at his audacity.

"Now, now, Miss Granger. I did not say I wouldn't give you the ingredients. For so important a project, you may surely help yourself. We both know you know where my private stores are. Just please leave it in better shape than you did the last time you raided it." He couldn't resist one last taunt at the ruined polyjuice potion from her second year. He lowered his head back to the Ravenclaw essays and hid a very small smile.

"I wouldn't dream of taking them from you now. You're the most spiteful man I've ever met, and I hope you find someone who can someday make you happy. Good day." She stormed out of his office, and he could hear her footsteps on the stone steps leading back up to the main hall.

Later that evening, he felt bad about what had happened between Hermione and himself, so he gathered the ingredients she had asked for and took them up to her office. He stood outside the portrait that protected her office and was about to ask its occupant to tell its mistress that he was there when he heard voices from inside.

"Oh Remus, the potion's ruined!" He could hear her sobbing quietly. "All because Snape has to be the bastard once again. I only asked for a few ingredients and he had to give me the third degree. I had to go to Diagon Alley to get the things I needed from the Apothecary, and by the time I got back, the potion was just ruined. Now I'll have to start all over again and you won't have it in time for this month and goddammit why couldn't Snape just give me the damn wolfsbane?"

"It's okay, Hermione. I'll just take the regular potion this month and maybe next month... maybe next month things will be different." Remus' voice was soft, and Severus could barely make out what he was saying. "I do have something to discuss with you though. Would you come over here and sit for a minute?" Severus could hear footsteps leading farther away from the doorway and he muttered a spell to make the portrait invisible on his side, then another to increase his hearing ability. Years as a spy worked in his favor sometimes.

**_I heard him say, "I love you"  
I heard him say, "Forever"  
And without you he'd rather be dead  
I felt my hand shaking  
I felt my heart breaking  
'Cause I meant every word he said_**

He saw Remus leading an obviously distraught Hermione to a settee in front of her fireplace. She sat down and he knelt in front of her. "Hermione, over the years that I've known you, I've seen you grow a great deal; not only physically, but mentally as well. I've seen you grow from a 12-year-old who was thirsty for knowledge into a 25-year-old who is still thirsty for knowledge, but who knows more about everything than anyone else I know. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out. I love you more than you could ever know, and it would make me the happiest man in the history of wizarding and muggle kind if you would consent to stay with me forever as my wife." He pulled a ring out of his pocket and offered it to her, waiting nervously for her answer.

She started crying again, harder than before, and was unable to speak for a moment. Then she reached down to softly cradle Remus' head in her hands, and she lowered her head to give him a soft kiss as she whispered "Yes."

Snape couldn't believe what he was seeing. The woman he secretly loved was going to marry someone else! His hands started shaking with emotion, and as Remus placed the ring on her finger, Snape felt his heart breaking inside. What he would give to be in Remus' place right now. He set the box of ingredients on the floor outside her portrait-door and bade its occupant to wait for an opportune moment to let its mistress know they were waiting there for her.

He nearly ran back down to his dungeons, frightening everyone he came in contact with on the way. No one had ever seen him looking so dark. 

_A few months later_

He looked up from his bottle of Old Ogden's when he heard her laugh from across the room. _Oh great,_ he thought, _just what I needed tonight. I just can't escape her._ He took a swig of firewhiskey from the bottle, glad for its numbing effects. He watched as the loud group made their way to a large grouping of tables in the corner and settled in. He couldn't help but notice how closely they sat together and how his arm draped around her shoulders or how her hand reached up to hold his as it rested on her shoulder, and he scowled darkly, taking another drink. _At least she's happy with him. She could never be happy with an 'overgrown bat' like me._ His eyes softened a bit at that thought, and a single tear fell down his pale cheek as he thought, _But oh, wouldn't I like to have had the chance._

**_I saw him whisper something  
Then I saw you look so happy  
It's a look I won't ever forget  
'Cause whatever he told you  
Meant I'd never hold you  
And I meant every word he said_**

Across the room, Remus and Hermione were enjoying their drinks, surrounded by friends. He was surprised to see that Potter and Malfoy were there openly together, as he hadn't been aware that they'd "come out", and there were too many Weasleys to keep track of in his opinion. Albus and Minerva were there, naturally, and were drinking the others under the table. Now and then, he would hear toasts to those who couldn't be there; casualties from a war that lasted too long. Snape scowled darkly every time Black was toasted, but raised his own bottle a little for the younger Weasleys that were gone; Ginny had tried to save Percy from himself and got caught by the elder Malfoy, who had no mercy on her for being young. Then for spite, he'd turned on Percy for "allowing his sister to get that close to him." Snape cringed when they all quieted to toast Longbottom, and he took a large drink for that one. Longbottom had never been his best student, and Merlin only knew how many cauldrons he'd melted in his years at Hogwarts, but he had never wished the young man any harm. Voldemort hadn't wanted to take any chances with the prophecy being wrong, so he had Neville killed by some nameless Death Eater. Snape had tried to get there in time to save him, but was too late. _Just like the other time... I was just too late._ He took another long drink of the potent firewhiskey for Longbottom's memory.

He glanced back over at their table and he saw Remus lean over to whisper something in Hermione's ear and give her a kiss on the cheek. Her eyes were shining with happiness over whatever he'd said, and she leaned into him; into the warmth of his arm and rested her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly.

Snape wished it was he who was holding her like that rather than Remus. 

He woke from his drinking induced slumber, wincing at the noise reverberating through his chambers. It took a moment to comprehend what the noise was; someone was knocking on his door... loudly. He stumbled to the door, surprised to see Remus on the other side.

"Lupin. How may I ... assist you this morning?" He turned and sat in a plush chair in front of the fireplace, motioning for Remus to take the other seat. In the aftermath of defeating the Dark Lord, the two men had forged a tentative friendship that still remained, slight though it may be.

"Good morning Severus. I needed some advice about something, and since you're the only wizard at Hogwarts remotely close to my own age, I thought perhaps you would help me out." He looked a little nervous about asking for help.

Snape raised an eyebrow at the request but decided to acquiesce. "Certainly, Lupin. With what did you require advice?"

"Well, you see... today is the big day for Hermione and me, and we're supposed to write our own vows to fulfill one of her muggle family traditions, but I ... I can't think of what to write. It's a big problem and one I don't quite know how to remedy."

Snape could see the distress evident on Lupin's face. "I see. So you want me to help you write these vows?" Inwardly, Snape's heart was breaking again, as he had just committed himself to helping the man who would marry the woman he loved write the vows he would recite to her in the wedding ceremony later that day.

"Er, yes. I know it's a bit short-notice, and more than a bit unorthodox, but I've never been much of a writer and you've always been so prolific when it comes to putting thoughts on parchment. I really would appreciate any help you could give me on this."

"Give me just a few moments please." Snape requested, and Lupin nodded his agreement.

He stood from his chair and crossed to his personal desk, where he kept spare bits of parchment and quills for writing personal correspondence. He pulled out a roll of blank parchment, a quill, and a pot of ink, and began to write.

_My dearest Hermione, you have filled my days with more sunshine than I ever dared to hope for. You've turned me from a lonely old man with no prospects for a useful future into a man with more love in his heart than he knows how to handle; into a man with a future filled with a wife and family; into a man who, without you would be forever burdened with the horrible curse you cured me of. I love you more than words can ever express, and I promise to love you forever as much as I do today._


	2. Getting Ready

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

As he read through what Severus had written, Remus' eyes grew large and began to water. "This is exactly what I was looking for." He looked over at Severus with gratitude written plainly on his face. "Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me and what it will mean to Hermione."

_Oh, I think I have some idea. They're what I long to say to her myself; they **should** be said to her, even if it's by the werewolf. She loves him as she could never have loved me._

"I am glad you like it. You may wish to spend some time memorizing it. You don't want to fumble on your wedding vows." Inwardly, he admitted to himself that he would love to see Lupin fudge up the words he had written, but the quicker he got rid of the man, the quicker he could get a stout drink to get him through the day.

Lupin's mouth widened with a large smile. "No, we wouldn't want that. Thank you Severus. You've been a great friend and I won't soon forget it." He got up, walked to the door, and stopped just before opening it. "Are you sure there isn't some special someone out there you'd like to give these words to from yourself? Not that I'm not appreciative, but I think you should try and find someone, Severus. You've been alone far too long. I know, because I was alone just as long before I found Hermione. You should get out there more." He shrugged light-heartedly. "Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone at the ceremony!" He chuckled at the sour look that appeared on Severus' face. "Or maybe not. We don't want to rush you into anything." He opened the door to leave. "I'll see you in a bit, Severus. Thanks again for this and for the other service I had to ask of you. It really does mean the world to both of us." With that, he was gone.

Severus scowled at the door. _Why does he have to hit on every nerve with such simple comments? _It's not as if he hadn't found someone he wanted to say those words to. Remus just got to her first, and it was his own damnable temperament that sent her to his arms. And he had been stupid enough to submit to being the Best Man at their wedding.

Lupin really didn't have anyone else of appropriate age since Sirius' death in the Department of Mysteries. Try as he might, he had never been able to re-found his friendship with Harry after that, as the younger man saw so many he loved die in the war and was distrustful of getting close to anyone, the younger Malfoy aside. For some reason that no one could explain, Harry and Draco had forged a fast friendship in the latter part of their seventh year, following the execution of Lucius for his crimes as a Death Eater, and the friendship had quickly evolved into something more as the war waged on. Severus personally thought the breaking point had been when Miss Weasley was killed for trying to save her brother. The two young men had been virtually inseparable since then, though they were discreet with their relationship. An outsider would simply believe they were good friends, but those close enough to either of them knew the truth. Severus, as Draco's confidante in Slytherin house and in Voldemort's circle had known far longer than most people, though it had still been quite some time before he recognized the signs and put the facts together.

With Sirius gone and Harry out of pocket, the only person Lupin had left to ask was Severus. Ever the self-punishing masochist, Severus agreed, and still didn't really know why.

He looked up at the clock and saw that it was nearing time for the ceremony. Resigning himself for the toils of the day, he stood and began to ready himself for his duties. His most formal black robes had been aired and pressed by House-elves the day before, and were ready for him, hanging on the back of his armoire door. He retrieved clean underwear from a drawer – glad that he as an adult was able to afford better than the greyed cotton of his youth. Silk boxers felt so much better against the skin than the rough fabric he once was forced to wear had. Crossing to the bathroom, he felt the warmed tile on his feet and was glad he did not live in the dungeons he frequented for class. Even with warming charms, he could never seem to get warm enough down there. Years of abuse and blood-replenishing potions had thinned his blood to a point where he had to wear heavier robes that were tailored to fit his body just to stay warm enough to maintain his snarky attitude in class. He wouldn't command as much fear and respect if his teeth were constantly chattering, now would he?

He sank into a hot bath and sighed as he reflected on Hermione. She dominated his thoughts so often. He tried to remember when he first began to realize the depths of his feelings for her.

_I suppose it would have to have been late in her seventh year. _He grimaced at the thought of having feelings for a student, even if she had been of age. _She had been working with me on a project for Dumbledore, and there were only a few weeks left until their graduation. I had come to realize just how intelligent she really was. She was always punctual for our appointments, and worked with a quiet precision, not unlike myself. It had been a bad night for me, and I went to the Astronomy Tower to clear my head. I had just settled into my usual spot when she appeared in the doorway. I could tell she couldn't see me, and she walked to the parapets slowly, with purpose. She stopped in front of a shallow part of the wall and rested her hands on the ledge. She stared out over the grounds and with the moonlight shining through her hair, she couldn't have been more lovely. I remember my breath catching at the sight and my heart began to swell with a tiny glimpse of emotion that I had suppressed for so long. _

Her shoulders began to shake; she was crying softly, and Snape realized she knew. She sank to her knees and held her head in her hands as the sobs wracked her small body. He was reluctant to reveal his presence, but his foot scraped at the stone floor, just loud enough to let her know someone else was there. She stood quickly and turned to face the noise, but couldn't make him out in the shadows. She quickly wiped the tears from her streaked face and called out, "Who's there? I heard you, but I can't see you. You have to the count of three before my wand comes out, and this is the one night you do not want to cross me, so I advise you to come out before then."

She did not even make it to one before he stood and made his way to the edge of the shadows. As he crossed into the pale moonlight, she gasped, realizing who had been sitting there, watching her. Her voice was strained with the effort to stop crying. "Professor Snape… You frightened me. I didn't realize anyone was there… How long have you been watching me?" Her eyes were rimmed in red from her crying jag, and a stray tear forced its way down her cheek.

He reached up to wipe the tear away and whispered, "Long enough, child. Long enough." His black eyes took on a new depth, and his next words did her in. "I'm so sorry. I … did not know in time to save either of them."

She threw herself against him, wrapping her arms tightly around him and burying her head against his chest as the tears refused to be held back any longer. He was surprised at the sudden contact, but his own emotions took over and he completed the embrace, holding her tightly against him. He did not know how long they stood there, clinging to each other in comfort, but was aware of the shortening of the shadows that marks the early dawn. "I think you might want to head back to your rooms now. It is so late that it grows early and we both have classes today." She looked up and it hit her that she had spent the last couple of hours in the arms of her Potions Master, who just happened to be the blackest bastard to have ever graced the halls of Hogwarts. She quickly released her grip on his torso and stepped back, unsure what to do next. "If you would like to go first, I shall wait a few moments so no one will think anything of our leaving together." His voice was oddly compassionate in the aftermath of the previous night's events.

"Thank you, Professor. I … appreciate it." She turned to leave, and headed down the staircase that would lead her to Gryffindor Tower.

As the sounds of her shoes on the stairs slowly faded away, Severus looked down at his hands and arms. He barely recognized these arms as the same ones who had committed horrifying acts in his past after they had spent so long wrapped around Hermione. _I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have touched her. I should have taken house points and sent her scurrying back to her rooms the way I had done a thousand times before with other students. Why didn't I do it? Why did I feel the need to comfort her that way? _And then it hit him like a ten-ton weight. _Because I wanted just once to touch someone without them feeling revulsion. I wanted someone to not hate me. No, not just someone, I wanted **her** to not hate me. _He pinched the bridge of his nose and winced at the thoughts. He had inappropriate feelings for a student. A Gryffindor student at that! His lips thinned and tightened together. _Not that she can ever know. I would lose my job and my credibility and so would she. _

And that was how he left it. He went to Dumbledore later that day to ask that she be removed from their co-project on the grounds that NEWTS were coming up and she would need the extra study time. He could handle it from this point on his own anyway. Dumbledore granted his request, much to his surprise. He was left, then, to only be forced into her presence in class, and he could easily keep his distance there. A scant month later, she passed her NEWTS with the best scores in the history of the school (beating even himself, he was oddly pleased to note) and graduated, leaving Hogwarts for University and the inevitable war. He saw her briefly in Order meetings and noticed each time how her beauty and grace seemed to grow, along with his feelings for her.

It all seemed to come to a head the night of the Final Battle, or as it had since come to be known, the Great Cataclysm. Magic was so strong that night. Voldemort had chosen Samhain (31 October), one of the great fire festivals as the night for this final attack because he knew magic would be much greater on this day than on others. The fight lasted all night, and Severus' true colors were finally revealed as he cursed more than his share of the Death Eaters who had stormed the gates of Hogwarts. He was in beautiful fighting form that night, casting curses and hexes left and right, but he took an unexpected de-winding hex to the back, he fell to a knee, trying to regain his breath. As he knelt there, gasping for breath, his vision began to grow spotty and he knew his death was imminent. Just then, a flash of blue light caught his attention as it sped toward him and he looked up to find Hermione, her hair dancing in the magic wind that encircled her. She had sent the counter-hex his way, and it hit him square in the chest, causing him to gulp in his first breath of sweet air. She looked back his way, nodded to him curtly, and went back to fighting at Harry's side. Severus stood and continued to fight on the side of the light, invigorated by his near-death experience. He fought for maybe another hour and was beginning to tire when an unearthly scream echoed across the battlefield. He knew at once Voldemort was dead with that last scream, and the Dark Mark on his arm began to fade until it was just a silvery scar. Others, loyal to the Dark Lord until the end, were not so lucky. The rest of the Death Eaters perished with their master that night.

He had expected her to celebrate with her friends, but was surprised to see her coming his way. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. Not really knowing what to do, he just stood there for a moment before gently pushing her back. She looked up at him and choked out that she was glad he was okay. "I'm sorry I couldn't help sooner earlier. Are you sure you're okay?" He nodded and turned away, heading back towards the castle. "Professor?" Her voice halted him, but he did not turn back around, more scared to face her in that moment than he had ever been afraid to face Voldemort.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" His voice betrayed no emotion.

"I …" She paused and his head turned slightly in her direction, an eyebrow raising in question. "I'm glad you didn't go with the rest of them. I'm glad you survived."

"You may want to rethink that, Miss Granger. I am every bit the bastard I have made myself out to be over the years. That much, at least, was not an act. I can be no more than myself." The last part was almost whispered as he turned back away and strode to the castle. When he reached the doors, he risked one last glance back at her, and saw that she was sitting where he'd left her standing, and the look on her face – that look of utter dejection – was enough to pierce the icy shell around his heart. He loved her. For all her Gryffindor stupidity and her everlasting know-it-all attitude, he loved her. But she was not for him. She was for Harry-bloody-Potter or one of the prolific Weasleys. She would never be for him.

His reverie ended as he realized that his hot bath had long since turned cold. He quickly left the bathtub and cast a drying charm over his body, moving from the bathroom back to the bedroom to get dressed. He glanced over at the clock, noticing that he had just enough time to make it upstairs without being late.

After dressing with care, he left his quarters and cast the locking wards behind him. Tucking his wand into its holster, he sighed and began the ascent to the Great Hall. It was time.

**A/N:** Sorry for the slight departure from my previous style in this chapter. It has been approximately two years since I wrote the first chapter, and as such, my writing style and I have changed a bit in that time. Thanks so much to all my reviewers. I hope I do not disappoint you in finishing the story. If you spot any glaring errors, please let me know so I may change them. I do not have a beta to look over everything before I publish, so you are, in essence, all my betas. I honestly appreciate all the comments I get.


	3. I Meant His Words

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

**A/N: **The wedding! Finally!

Severus made his way to the Great Hall, wishing he hadn't foolishly agreed to be the Best Man, preferring to be able to sulk in a corner, watching from afar. His sense of duty knew no bounds, however, and so he steeled himself for the day's activities and approached Lupin in the front of the room. He could see the other man's hands shaking, and he was holding the parchment Severus had written the vows on, nervously going over and over the words so he wouldn't forget them. As Severus approached, Lupin's gaze rose to greet his Best Man, his anxiety apparent even in his eyes.

A calming pat of Severus' hand on his shoulder, along with a whispered "Relax" seemed to help a little. His other hand reached to take the vow parchment from the groom's hand. "You know as well as I that too much study can be more detrimental than too little. Just say it from your heart and you'll do fine." He kept his voice even and soothing, as though he were talking to a skittish horse, or rather in Lupin's case, a skittish wolf.

Lupin sighed and ran his hand through his sandy hair. "Thanks, man. I'm going crazy waiting. Why can't it just be over already?" His nerves were shot, and Severus wished he had thought to bring a flask of calming draught or at least a shot of firewhiskey.

"You'll get through it just fine." He wasn't sure the other man would, but it seemed like the right thing to say, even though secretly he hoped it would end in disaster and would send Hermione to him somehow. They both collected themselves and continued waiting for the ceremony to start.

As they stood there, Severus found his gaze flittering around the room, taking in the decorations. Filius, Minerva, and Albus had outdone themselves. It was far beyond anything he had ever seen for the student celebrations. There were white streamers strung all over the ceiling, which had been recharmed for the day to reflect a pale blue sky with fluffy white clouds drifting overhead. The long house tables had been replaced with church-like pews that had been charmed to be far more comfortable than their Muggle counterparts. There were small bouquets of white and red roses, interspersed with pale baby's breath, secured with wide, long white ribbons on the ends of the pews. The cold stone floor was covered with spring-green grass, and as was the wizarding custom, no one wore shoes. For those who did not live in the castle, there was a small anteroom set up to check their shoes into upon arrival.

The front of the hall was set up with a white latticework arbor that was also covered in the live uncut versions of the bouquets that adorned the pews. The bright green vines were thick with white and red roses in full bloom. There was a short dais set up just behind the arbor. The dais held the simple items needed for the ceremony; salt in an earthenware crock, pure water in a glass pitcher, three white taper candles in a silver candelabrum, and some charcoal and incense in a small pewter cauldron. The only other necessary item was the wand of the presiding wizard, but even after so long with Voldemort gone, Albus Dumbledore was not going to leave that sitting around for anyone to take.

He scanned the crowd and saw many faces he recognized. There were the remaining Hogwarts professors, the Weasley clan, or what was left of it, and Potter was sitting next to Draco Malfoy. Severus would have rolled his eyes at their lovey-dovey holding of hands, but caught Draco looking at him and grinned at him. Severus just replied with a silent mini-glare, not wanting to spoil the mood of the day.

Then Albus came into the room and made his way to the dais, signaling time for the ceremony to start. Remus gulped and reached into his pocket for Hermione's ring, fingering it lightly before turning to hand it to Severus for safekeeping. It was a beautiful ring, Severus mused; it was a simple gold band with two rubies flanking a sizeable diamond. He also ran his finger over it lightly before depositing it into his pocket and patting it unconsciously.

Soft classical music from some Muggle composer that Severus couldn't quite name began to filter through the room, and all eyes in the room turned toward the entrance. Hermione's Maid of Honor and only Bridesmaid came through first. Nymphadora Tonks, resplendent in a white satin off-shoulder gown began her slow march up the aisle, her hair a surprisingly normal ash-blonde. Severus had to make the mental note that the color suited her far better than her normal bubble-gum pink. Tonks reached the arbor and took her place across from Severus as the assembled crowd stood for the Bride's entrance. Severus' breath caught in his throat as he saw her in her wedding gown. She was a vision with her bushy hair tamed to gently curl around her face; her makeup was light and flattering, and the gown … well that was something to see, too. It was also white satin, but overlaid with an abundance of lace and pearled beadwork. It flowed in rustling layers past her waist to stop at ankle-length, showing her perfectly pedicured feet making slow, deliberate steps on the lush grass. Her veil was held in place by a glittering diamond tiara, and the lacy fabric fell around her face, flowing down her back to meet the hem of the dress in the back. Her bouquet was simple, five each of the white and red roses that decorated the hall, held together with baby's breath and a slightly thinner white ribbon than what held the splashes to the pews.

He couldn't pull his eyes away from her, and caught her gaze quickly moving from Lupin to himself and then back to Lupin. He wondered what that was about, but his thoughts were curtailed by the end of her journey as she took Lupin's left arm with her right and the two stepped up to the dais underneath the rose arbor.

Wizarding ceremonies were quite a bit different from Muggle ones, but Remus and Hermione, along with Albus and Minerva, had taken the parts that mattered most from both and melded them together seamlessly into something special that neither member of the couple would ever forget.

_**His heart stole those words from my head.  
Now it's too late to tell you what he's already said.  
I heard him say, "I love you."  
I heard him say, "forever."  
Then he said, "With this ring I thee wed."  
And when he said, "I do,"  
I choked back, "I do, too."  
And I meant every word he said.**_

The volume of the music faded to the background, but continued to play softly. Albus cleared his throat and began speaking the words that would bind them together forever.

"Witches and Wizards, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to forever bind Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger. Marriage is an institution not entered into lightly, and if any person here present has cause that these two should not be joined, let them speak now or forever after hold their peace." There was a short, loaded silence, during which Severus desperately wanted to cry out and profess his love, but following deeply ingrained tradition, he remained silent. Albus, taking the crowd's silence as acceptance, moved on.

"Remus and Hermione have prepared vows, and I will ask that they give them to each other now, starting with Hermione."

Her face was angelic as she drew a deep breath and began her prepared vow, "Remus, you have given me so much in the time we've known one another. You did this first as a teacher of education, and later as a teacher of love. You have taught me the true meaning of love and of life and of joy. I can never hope to repay you for all these gifts, but I can say that I will never stop trying. I love you so much. Thank you – for everything." Her hand drifted up to lightly caress his cheek and a single tear escaped from the corner of her eye. In that moment, Severus' heart broke into a million pieces. Her words were exactly what he would have given everything up to hear from her, and he willed himself to stay strong and not weep.

Albus beamed and nodded to Remus.

At this cue, Remus drew in a thick breath and tried to remember what Severus had written for him. "My dearest Hermione, you have filled my days with more sunshine than I ever dared to hope for, and my nights with more moonlight. You have changed me from a lonely man with no prospects for a useful future into a man with more love in his heart than he knows how to handle; into a man with a future filled with a wife and family; into a man who, without you, would be forever burdened with the horrible curse you cured me of. I love you more than words can ever express, and I promise to love you forever as much as I do today, and even more. Thank _you_."

At his words, she burst into more tears and he reached to clear them away with a handkerchief. After a moment to compose themselves, Albus continued with the ceremony. "Now for the formal vows." He looked at Hermione, "Do you, Hermione Jane Granger, take Remus John Lupin to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, and forsaking all others to cleave yourself only to him now and forevermore?"

"I do."

Albus turned to Remus, "Do you, Remus John Lupin, take Hermione Jane Granger to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, and forsaking all others to cleave yourself only to her now and forevermore?"

"I do."

_Oh Merlin, I do, too._ Severus choked back the words, but the intent was there in his heart.

Albus faced the crowd again over the couple's heads. "Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of the commitment made here today and of the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all the union of this man and this woman in marriage." He turned again to Hermione first. "Do you have a ring to give Remus?"

"I do." She turned to Tonks and took it from her hand.

"Take it then and place it on the third finger of his left hand, and in so doing, repeat after me: With this ring I thee wed."

She began placing the plain gold band on his finger, and as it slid down his finger, she repeated, "With this ring I thee wed."

Albus turned to Remus then. "Remus, do you likewise have a ring for Hermione?"

"I do." He turned and Severus handed the bejeweled ring to him.

"Take it then and place it on the third finger of her left hand, and in so doing, repeat after me: With this ring I thee wed."

He slid the ring down her finger and repeated the words, "With this ring I thee wed."

"Remus and Hermione, as the two of you come into this marriage uniting you as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together - as from this day forward you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge, your marriage strengthened by your love and respect for each other," Albus charged the couple and moved into the magical part of the ceremony.

He picked up his wand from the altar and began a complex spell that would incorporate all the elements there represented. A trickle of water rose from the glass basin, followed by a matching trail of salt from the stone crock. The two outer candles sprang to life, mixing their fire with the salt water over the top of the third, as yet unlit candle. The charcoal and incense began to smolder, sending its airy smoke to join its fellows. The four represented elements; water, earth, fire, and air melded together to form a ribbon of light that started circling around the couple. Their hands came together between them, and the ribbon encircled their wrists, changing from its pure light to another color, as yet undetermined as the four tangible elements began to incorporate the fifth, intangible element of spirit from each member of the couple.

Severus mused on what color they would end up with. Most couples ended up with green for harmony, red for love, or more rarely, white for deepest true love. Very rarely did a couple have anything but these three unless the red or green was a more pastel version to indicate their strong trait wasn't really as strong as it could be. These "pastel marriages" usually did not last long, as it meant they were quite incompatible. Since divorce was non-existent in the magical world, these couples were forced to either annul the union before consummation or live with their incompatibilities for the rest of their lives – which were substantially longer than Muggles, no matter what their doctors liked to say.

Severus could not be sure until the ribbon completed its job, but expected to see either white or red come from the ribbon as it partially melted into the couple's wrists and then moved on to light the final candle, which would also take on the color of the ribbon once lit.

He was therefore, deeply surprised to see the ribbon turn a very dark shade of black before infusing its magic into the couple and the candle, which then burned a black flame rather than the customary orange. Black never came from a marriage ribbon. It had only ever happened in very rare cases where an arranged marriage would result in the death of one or more of its participants. Severus was not the only one surprised. Typically in cases of the black ribbon, the candle representing the person causing the deep-seated incompatibility would also take on the black color and flame. The crowd exploded into an uproar when it was revealed to be Hermione's candle that turned black. Remus looked at her, incredulous at the turn of events, and found her face had contorted itself in horror. But once the middle candle was lit, they were irrevocably joined.

Albus sputtered out the final words of the ceremony amidst the crowd's objections. "Remus and Hermione, in as much as you have declared agreement to live together in the bounds of matrimony, and have promised your love to each other with your vows and by the giving and receiving of rings, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife." He paused for a second. "You may kiss your bride."

If only to complete the ceremony and get away to discuss this turn of events, Remus gave Hermione a sound peck on the cheek, and the two of them turned to face the protesting crowd.

"I now present to you the new Mr. and Mrs. Remus John Lupin."

The words sounded hollow and unconvincing to everyone there, and the new couple left quickly via a side door that led, where else but the dungeons.

Severus hurried behind them, anxious to find out what was going on. As he strode through the dark hallways, he heard a door slam closely ahead of him, and stopped when he reached it. He was thankful once again for his years of spying experience as he used the same spells to see and hear into the room as he had when Remus proposed so many months back. What he saw and heard threatened to shatter the remnants of his heart.

Hermione was crumpled in the middle of an old classroom, sobbing her heart away, her head in her hands, and Remus stood woodenly to one side, the vein at his temple throbbing with stress and anger.

He spun on his heel to look down at her, a look of revulsion on his face. "Hermione, look at me," he commanded in a teacher-tone that brooked no refusal. When she continued to cry into her hands, he shouted it again, "LOOK AT ME!" She looked up, still sobbing wildly, tears streaking her perfect makeup and marring her cheeks with black mascara. "What the BLOODY HELL just happened in there?" His anger was evident, and it only served to make her sob harder.

"I don't know," she lied.

**A/N:** Questions? Comments? Can anyone guess why the ribbon was black? Only a chapter or two are left and then we'll leave them to their respective lives.


	4. Vision or Delusion?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait between updates. Damn this real life stuff that gets in the way. I've got the rest of the story tentatively mapped out in my head. I'm not sure of just how many more chapters it will take for the story to complete itself, and I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have for updates, but I promise to continue with the quality work I've produced thus far. I'm sure you would rather wait a bit longer and have the story continue on the same level as it started than to have the conclusion rushed and compromised. Also, thanks so much to my reviewers. There aren't many of you, but the few I've received just make me want to get this done so you can find out what happens. Hearts and Stars to all of you. And now on with the story!

"What the BLOODY HELL just happened in there?" Remus shouted with fear, anger, and disappointment evident in his voice.

"I don't know," she sobbed. "I just don't know!" She collapsed in a heap, heaving and wailing quietly with the force of her crying.

Remus just looked down at her, utter disgust written plainly on his face. He took off the golden band she had just placed on his finger and threw it in her direction. The firelight glinted off its shiny surface, causing a glittering arc as it fell to the outer folds of her skirt. "Let me know when you figure it out," he spat bitterly as he walked out the door, barely missing Severus as he ducked swiftly out of the way.

Severus waited outside, hearing Lupin's footsteps slowly fading away, and wondered what to do. He did not want to intrude, but he wanted to see if she was okay. He peered back into the room to find her crumpled form in the same place as when Lupin had stormed out. Her hand was outstretched toward Remus' ring, which lay just outside her grasp. Severus decided to leave her to herself and went back upstairs to give her space.

As he reached the doors to the Great Hall, he ran into Potter. Emerald met onyx, searching for something. Harry spoke with much emotion riding the silent tone as he told Severus, "I hope you're happy now. You had damn well better try. She deserves that."

Severus' mouth opened to deny himself, but a flash from Harry's gaze shut him up. "Don't say anything, Snape. Just don't." Harry turned and left Severus standing there incredulously staring at the empty space recently vacated by the younger man. Looking into the Great Hall at the bustling and livid mass inside, Severus turned and headed outside to the gardens to think.

The calm coolness allowed him to relax as he wandered through the maze of hedges. _Why was the ribbon black? Why was **her** flame black? What does this mean?_ He dared not hope for anything, but desperately needed to know. He found himself stopped in the center of the maze, not knowing how long he had been walking. As he looked around the garden, his head started spinning and he hit the ground hard before losing consciousness.

_I awake to the morning sunlight coming through my bedroom window and groan at its brightness. A voice calls my name from the outer room, a heavenly voice that seems to sing the simple word. "Severus," she calls, and then the door opens to admit a waddling and very pregnant Hermione, who smiles widely as she makes her way to our bed. "It's time to get up, Severus. Your first class will be waiting for you." I groan again and grumble about incompetent dunderheads as I turn back over and bury myself back under the heavy coverlet. Her musical laughter catches me as she lies next to me and places her head next to mine on the pillow. "Oh, come on Severus. You know you love teaching or you would have quit long ago." _

_I open my eyes and stare into hers with a look of disdain. "That is not true, Mrs. Snape. I only continue to teach because Albus cannot find a suitable replacement." My hand reaches for hers and I pull it to my mouth and plant a gentle kiss on her palm. The scent of crisp bacon reaches my nose through the open door. "And because of the excellent cooking from Hogwarts' kitchens. I simply cannot do without that." I pull her hand with mine to tuck them under my chin and her other hand reaches up to absently run through my hair. "Or you. And since you do actually enjoy teaching the dunderheads, I'll never get you away from here, so I must also stay." _

"_You are ever the charmer, Mr. Snape. Your reputation would be ruined if our students could see you this way. You have bed-head and that soft sleepy look in your eyes, and you are absolutely not intimidating at all buried under all these covers." Her eyes shine with love and I sigh in contentment at our position. "You are right, however, and we're both going to be late for class if we don't get up now, so out of bed you daisy head!" She laughs again and bounds out of bed despite her huge stomach, pulling the quilts off me to the end of the bed. _

"_You'll pay for that, Mrs. Snape!" I sit up quickly, laughing with playful menace before falling back to the bed to succumb to the darkness once again._

**A/N:** Sorry this is so much shorter and more boring than usual. I promise it picks up with the next chapter, which should be as long as my regular chapters. Also, I don't speak Spanish at all and Babelfish sucks. Can anyone translate Puppet-cat's review for me please? Thanks:D


	5. I Want To Hold You High

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

**A/N: **Ack! I can't believe it's been so long between updates. I am so sorry! Hopefully this chapter will make up for my extended absence. I hope you all had a great Winter Holiday and that the next year treats you better than the one we're leaving behind. And now on with the story!

The darkness slowly gave way to grey nothingness, and Severus swam through it to reclaim his conscious mind. He vaguely remembered being out in the gardens after the tragic turn of events at Remus and Hermione's wedding, but the ground beneath him was not the cultured gravel of the maze paths. It was rather too soft, and not knowing where he was disconcerted him. An eyelid slowly cracked open and his vision was assaulted by stark bright whiteness. He squeezed it shut tightly for a moment before taking the plunge and opening his eyes. The ceiling above him was cracked in a familiar pattern, and as he searched his mind for recognition, his nose was bombarded with the scents of healing potions. _Ahh, the hospital wing. I must have been discovered in the maze and brought to Poppy._ He flexed his hands and feet and was about to attempt to get up when a wave of weakness washed over him and his head fell back against the pillow. _What the hell?_ And then he knew no more.

--

It had been a month since the wedding and Severus' subsequent blackout in the maze garden. He had been fussed over far too much and had insisted upon leaving the hospital wing a scant three days after waking back up. Neither Madame Pomfrey nor Headmaster Dumbledore had been able to figure out why Severus had passed out twice in one night, but there were no reoccurrences, so they let him reassume his duties. The black bat of Hogwarts was once again stalking the halls, scaring every student who was unlucky enough to cross his path. Tonight found him back in the hedge maze, retracing his steps of the previous month. He was still at a loss as to why he had blacked out, and was haunted by the memory of the vision he saw in the darkness. It was his greatest wish to see Hermione in such a state of pregnancy – with his child! – and so full of love for him, but knew that he would never get that chance. He knew the vision was probably no more than a dream, completely unfounded in truth, but every time he thought of it – every time he pictured her the way she was in the vision – a pain stabbed through his heart at the loss. He secretly longed to fall back into the blackness that had produced the vision so he could stay with that Hermione forever, but knew that such a thing could never happen.

His long gait shortened and slowed as he thought of Hermione and the last month. She had been excused from her teaching duties for as long a period of time as she needed to recover from the events of that day. No one had seen or heard from her much, though a few people knew that she was still in the castle, secreted away in her rooms. Severus had thought several times about going by to offer her some tea or company, but always decided against it in the end, reasoning that she wouldn't want to see him most of all, maybe besides Lupin.

A scowl furrowed Severus' brow as the DADA professor crossed his mind. Remus had gathered his things and left Hogwarts after he left Hermione in the dungeons, immediately filing the annulment papers with the Ministry. No one in his or her right mind would have denied his claim, not that the Ministry had ever been accused of being in its right mind, so to speak, but the claim was approved almost as soon as it was submitted. Draco Malfoy had taken over his DADA position until a more permanent replacement could be found, and was doing a surprisingly good job. Well, surprising to everyone except Severus, that is. Severus was proud of his godson and hoped he would find a permanent home on the Hogwarts staff, even if it did mean putting up with Potter.

As he neared the place where he had blacked out, Severus was surprised to hear a soft sob ahead of him. He slowed even more and employed another of his spying tricks, a silence spell, to hide the sound of his footsteps. His wand at the ready, he turned the last corner and sighed in relief when he saw Hermione seated on a stone bench close by. His relief quickly turned to concern as he realized she was sitting there crying quietly. Her cheek was resting on her knees with her arms encircling her folded legs to hold them together. After debating with himself for a moment, he backed around the corner he had come from and lifted the silence spell from his feet. Then he slowly came back around the corner to where she was sitting and lightly cleared his throat to make his presence known.

Her head jerked up at his quiet cough and her eyes widened when she realized who had discovered her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and her face was streaked with tear trails. They stood still, facing each other for several moments. He watched as an ocean of emotion rolled deep within her eyes before a single tear escaped down her cheek. She inhaled deeply and a word issued from her mouth in a low whisper, "Why?"

His brows furrowed together in confusion over her question. _Why what? _

"Why did you do it? Why _do_ you do it? How can you stand it? How could you?" The questions spilled from her lips as the tears began to pour from her eyes with renewed vigor. Her voice showed pain that had been building up for years and broke over the last question as she repeated it, "How could you?"

Severus didn't know what she was asking; he didn't understand. He only knew that he wanted so much to walk over and envelope her in his embrace and hug the pain away. A bit of a muggle song came to his mind, and he wished he could sing its words to her:

_**I want to hold you high and steal your pain away. **_

Rather than give himself away, however, he asked in a soft low voice, "How could I what, Miss Granger? What have I done to cause you such pain?" He knew he had committed countless atrocities in his years, and he knew better than anyone else all the things he had done to hurt Hermione, both intentionally and unintentionally, but the question remained. What caused such a deep hurt as to make her hide in the hedge maze to cry over it?

Her eyes closed and a fresh torrent of tears rushed down her face. "You really don't know, do you? You have no idea what you've done." Anger rushed through her body, opening her eyes and making them flash with pain and rage. Still, her voice was low and even, betraying the depth of her ire. "You've only ruined my life, and you have no idea." The admission was too much for her weakened body and she dropped to her knees, not feeling the small cuts from the gravel.

_I ruined her life? What? How?_ The thoughts rushed through his head as he saw her fall. "Miss Granger, I know I am a black bastard and I have hurt many in my life. I was unaware of ruining anyone's life, however, and while I do not know how I have done this, I apologize wholeheartedly. It was never my intention." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and to choose the right words. His hand reached up to run through his hair absentmindedly, and the overwhelming theme of his thoughts slipped out in the barest whisper, "How did I manage to ruin such a perfect life when all I've ever wanted was to make it better?"

Her head shot up, hazel eyes meeting deepest black. "Professor Snape?" She wondered if the man in front of her was truly her ex-Potions Professor. "You want to know how you ruined my life?" The hurt and anger that had been building in her for so long decided to break free of its bonds and let this man know just how he had hurt her, the consequences be damned!

"You never once recognized that I was the most talented student in your classes. You gave blatant favoritism to Slytherin students who couldn't make the simplest of potions without help. When I went through the most embarrassing event of my academic career at the hands of junior death eaters, you shouted to me and the rest of the student body that you saw no difference! You finally accepted me as useful in my seventh year and we worked so well together until Ginny and Percy…" she couldn't finish that statement, but continued on, "and then you just kicked me out without even letting me know why. I saved your life in that final battle and still you couldn't see me as anything but the annoying Gryffindor know-it-all. And most of all, you never saw that I could be anything but the scared 11-year-old _mudblood_ friend of Harry Potter. You let me see sides of you that I'm guessing nobody outside of Albus Dumbledore himself ever saw and still dismissed me as unworthy to know you. Well guess what, Severus Snape, I know you better than anyone and I still loved you so much that it ruined my chance at happiness with Remus. I have tried so hard for so long to get you just to NOTICE me as something besides a student, and I'm exhausted from the effort. I can't escape you; not in my sleep, not in my dreams, not in my classes, and now I can't even escape to the gardens before you come to find me. Well torture away, Snape. I've nothing left for you to tear apart."

He stood in front of her, shell-shocked at the outpouring of emotion, and stunned at the one phrase that kept repeating itself in his mind. _'I loved you.'_ She loved him? Merlin, could it be true? Could his dreams be assaulting him again, or was this really happening? Before he could get a word out, she stood and ran back toward the castle, audibly crying. He couldn't gather the strength to move a single muscle, and as she cleared the hedge maze, he sank to the ground with her words resounding in his head. She loved him. She loved him. She LOVED him.

--

**A/N: **Alright, I hate to leave it at this, but for the next chapter, we finally hear a bit from Hermione. Not long left now, kiddies.

Lyrics from Broken by Seether and Amy Lee.


	6. History Lesson Part One

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

**A/N: **So long between updates... I'm a horrible person. Maybe this update will make it all better. :) Today, I give you Hermione! There's a bit of backtracking, but I think it's important we see the previous chapters' events from her eyes. It's long, I know, but at least it's not unnecessarily short.

She walked up the stairs leading to the Astronomy Tower with slow, careful steps. The shock had not yet left her body, and her mind struggled with attempted comprehension. They were dead; with no warning, their lives had been ripped away by monsters who called themselves men. She would remember in later years that while she grieved for both and for the family they had left behind, she grieved for one victim more than the other. Percy had been such a snot that some part of her had been preparing for his death for some time. Ginny, on the other hand, would be dearly missed. No one had expected her to go after Percy of all people. But she had, and now she was dead. Dead! And Percy had gone right along with her, protecting her to the end.

A glimmer of moonlight ahead brought her out of her reverie as she reached the top of the tower. She crossed to the parapets and looked out over the grounds of Hogwarts. It really was a beautiful sight in the clear moonlit night. Her eyes fell downward, mentally judging the distance to the bottom. She decided it would not be far enough to cause death, only great pain and injury, and her shoulders began to shake with this latest failure. _I could not foresee Ginny's actions to save her, and now I have even failed at trying to kill myself. What a waste of perfectly good wizarding blood. Maybe it really is mud-filled. I'm just a useless lump who can't do anything outside of sticking my head in books. Books didn't save Ginny, they didn't save Percy, and they won't be enough to save Harry either._ Her knees gave way and she sank to her knees, resting her head in her hands, sobbing. _God, Gin, why didn't you come to me for help? Maybe I could have helped you or at least talked you out of it! WHY?_

An almost silent scrape on the stone cause her head to jerk up. She jumped to her feet and searched the shadows, but was unable to see anything in the dark. A hand reached up to quickly wipe the tears from her cheeks, the end of her sleeve catching the teardrops that had yet to fall from her eyes. Bravado and adrenaline kicked in and she spoke in an authoritative voice, "Who's there? I heard you, but I can't see you. You have to the count of three before my wand comes out, and this is the one night you do not want to cross me, so I advise you to come out before then."

She stood there, hand ready to unsheathe her wand and hex the intruder into oblivion. She was about to begin counting when the soft rustle of robes began making its way to the edge of the shadows. As he emerged into the moonlight, she gasped at the realization that it was Professor Snape who had been watching her breakdown. The adrenaline rush began to fade and she said in a shaky voice, "Professor Snape… You frightened me. I didn't realize anyone was there… How long have you been watching me?" A lone tear escaped from her eye and left a trail on her cheek.

He reached his hand toward her, and before she had a chance to react, he gently wiped the tear away, whispering, "Long enough, child. Long enough." She searched his bottomless eyes for duplicity and was surprised to see something else there; a hint of …compassion? "I'm so sorry. I … did not know in time to save either of them." His words combined with the sudden sadness in his eyes caused her bravado to leave and she threw herself at him, clinging tightly to his warm chest as the tears took back over.

--

As she sat in History of Magic that afternoon, her mind pored over the previous night's events. She wondered at Professor Snape's actions. Professor Snape had never been so nice to a Gryffindor, but he had shown her a slightly different side in their Potions project. They had been working amicably, albeit mostly in silence, and she had come to look very forward to the time she spent with him. Now she was dreading the next day's session. _How do I act around him now that I've spent several hours curled up on his lap crying? Now that I've heard and felt his heart beat deep within his chest? Now that I've been ... comforted by him? I don't think I've been so comfortable touching another man since my dad, or maybe Harry and Ron, but they're still only boys. _She was distressed to remember how many ribs she had felt on his back, but his body was undeniably that of a man, and his embrace was warm and strong. For the first time in a long time, she had actually felt safe … hugging Professor Snape! She remembered how his hands felt stroking her hair and how his voice whispered along the top of her head as he sought to shelter her and comfort her. As her mind wandered, she wondered at how gentle he had been and remembered the concern that had been written on his face when they parted. _He was so much softer than I thought he could be. Strong, firm – absolutely, but gentle and soft also. I wonder how soft his lips would be... What?!_ She sat up and shook her head, aghast at the turn her thoughts had taken. Imagining how soft his lips were? Gods, how was she going to make it through the next month sitting through his classes and the project, too? A voice interrupted her musings.

"Miss Granger? Miss Granger?" She finally realized Professor Binns was calling her name.

"Yes, Professor," she asked timidly.

"The rest of your class has been gone for five minutes. Did you have something you needed to discuss with me, or is your nap over?"

She was mortified to see that the classroom was indeed empty except for herself and the ghostly teacher. Stammering, she gathered her things and stood up. "Oh, um no Professor, I'm sorry. I was just caught up in the imagery of the Goblin Wars."

"Yes, the Goblin Wars are fascinating. It's too bad we were covering the more recent fight against Grindelwald in today's lecture." He looked mildly amused as he glided back toward his desk. "Do try to keep up Miss Granger. See you next class."

Her face turned a lively shade of scarlet as she fled the classroom. _It's a good thing that was my last class today._ She was on her way to the Gryffindor Common Room, and met Professor Dumbledore on the way. "Miss Granger! Might I have a word?"

She stopped. "Of course, Professor. What can I do for you?" She reached up to hike up the strap on her overloaded book satchel.

"I've just had a meeting with Professor Snape and he assures me that because of the assistance you have given him, he is nearly finished with the project and can complete it on his own now, freeing you up for more NEWT revision time. Is that acceptable to you?" The Headmaster smiled at her with a curious twinkle in his eye.

"I… yes of course, sir. The extra study time will do me a world of good. I am glad that I helped Professor Snape so much with the project." She smiled, a weight leaving her shoulders at the prospect of not having to deal with the Potions Master quite so much. "I appreciate the opportunity to have worked with him as much as I did this term. I learned a great deal more than I would have otherwise been able to. Thank you sir."

"I am sure it was Severus's pleasure to have your assistance, Miss Granger. It is rare that we see a mind such as yours at Hogwarts. I expect great things from you in the future." He winked surreptitiously and walked off.

Hermione wondered at the Headmaster's comments, but dismissed them and continued her trek back to Gryffindor Tower. The last month of school disappeared in a whirl of studying, classes, essays, and NEWT revision. She did not have much time for daydreaming or thinking about anything but her classes and the NEWTs, but her dreams were filled with images of moonlight and warm darkness and the solid, gentle strength of a certain teacher's arms.

She longed for someone with whom to share her thoughts and feelings, but with Ginny gone, she had no one else to turn to. She might have tried Ron or Harry, but Ron was too caught up in his own grief over losing two siblings to offer much advice to anyone – not that he had ever been great with those matters anyway. Harry was curiously absent a lot, and was hard to track down after classes were over. Hermione only hoped he was getting in enough NEWT revision. Crookshanks would do in a pinch, but wasn't much for advice.

And then the NEWTs were upon them.

--

Screams rent the night, and she found herself back at Hogwarts. Voldemort had chosen a strong magical night to attack, but based on information provided by Snape and one or two other key double agents, the Order and the Ministry were prepared. She was to fight in formation with Harry, Ron, and Draco, whose relationship with Harry had become very obvious to those who knew them best in the time since graduation. Ron had made sure Hannah was properly safeguarded for the battle. She had objected, saying she had as much to contribute as the next person, but he had roared about losing too much family and too many friends to the Dark Lunatic and not wanting to lose the most important person in his life to the bastard as well, and she finally gave in. Hermione had long since given in to being alone, having realized who truly held her heart. The seeds had been planted that fateful night, and she found she simply couldn't forget the enigmatic spy. The few times men had asked her out, their arms didn't have the right weight or the right softness or the right strength. Their characters simply couldn't weigh up to the man who had become her ideal. None of them were Snape-ish enough!

She knew that he would never be able to allow himself anything on that level, and so had resigned herself to being alone forever. It wasn't so bad, really.

Unconsciously, she found her eyes scanning the field for him, but was interrupted by the jets of multi-colored light that kept flashing by. She deflected curse after curse, and threw enough hexes in return to cause major damage to the Death Eaters' forces. Then she saw him, magical energy surrounding him with an unnatural wind as he fought in perfect form. Then she saw the purple light of the Sine Aer1 hex racing toward him from behind at such an angle that he would never be able to defend himself from it. After checking to ensure that the rest of her group was okay, she ran toward Snape, who had taken the hit and was down on his knees, choking for air.

"Repleo Cum Aer2!" She shouted and a strong beam of blue light erupted from her wand, hitting him square in the chest and she saw him gasp in that first breath. He looked her way in gratitude and she nodded tersely and went back to Harry, fighting the whole way. An hour later, she was supporting a drained Harry as he fainted from the exertion of finally ridding the world of Tom Riddle forever. Draco grabbed him up, carrying his prone body back to the castle where Harry could recover. Anyone cursed with the Dark Mark fell with their master, dead on impact.

She inhaled sharply, wondering if that meant … _NO! He can't be!_ She shot off toward where she had left Snape, ecstatic when she saw him standing, staring at his arm – his plain, unmarked arm! He looked up and his eyes registered surprise at her appearance, and then she collided with him, wrapping her arms tightly around him, grateful that he was still alive. She hugged his stiff body for a few moments, silently crying, before feeling his arms come up to push her away. She looked up at him, searching his face for some glimmer of hope while stammering out something about being glad he was okay. "I'm sorry I couldn't help sooner earlier. Are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded briefly and then turned back toward the castle. His actions confused her and she called out, "Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Granger?" His voice was flat and emotionless. Cold. He wouldn't even face her.

_**I want to learn to read your mind  
I want to say the words but my tongue gets tied  
And though we're shy  
Would it be easier just to say goodbye  
I find I get lost for words around you  
Overwhelmed by your presence  
Sometimes it's the words we don't say that get in the way  
Time will break down the walls that we've built between us  
I won't ever be Speechless**_3

"I…" _I love you. Please don't be so cold. Please love me. Please listen. Please understand what I can't say. Please._ He inclined his head her way and raised an eyebrow. "I'm glad you didn't go with the rest of them. I'm glad you survived." _ It's not really what I want to say. Please read between the lines. Please understand me. I. Love. You._

Ice was in his voice as he replied, "You may want to rethink that, Miss Granger. I am every bit the bastard I have made myself out to be over the years. That much, at least, was not an act." His voice lowered to a bare whisper, "I can be no more than myself." He strode toward the castle and left her standing there.

His words cut her through the soul and their impact knocked her flat on her arse. _But I would never want you to be anything but who you are. That person is who I love. But why would he want me anyway? I'm just a mudblood Gryffindor who's not pretty and is too bookish for my own good. Who would want me?_

--

**A/N:** Okay, enough for this chapter. I'll pick back up with the modified wolfsbane potion next time. I promise not to take too long this time. :)

1 – Sine Aer: Without Air (Sine - Without; Aer - Air)  
2 – Repleo Cum Aer: Refill With Air (Repleo - Refill; Cum - With; Aer - Air)

Translations courtesy of InterTran (tranexp . com). I do not speak Latin at all, so if the conjugations are off, I apologise. Please feel free to correct me and I shall correct the story. :)

3 – Lyrics are from "Speechless" by Melissa O'Neil. She was the winner of Canadian Idol in Season Three (2005 – Thanks Rainnie76!). I highly recommend you look her up if you haven't heard of her. The song is awesome. :D


	7. History Lesson Part Two

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. I don't own the music. I just got inspired by the song to write something and did so. I do, however, own my story; my collection of words and sentences. Please don't steal those. Severus, Hermione, and the other characters all belong to JK Rowling, one of my goddesses. The song is "I Meant Every Word He Said" by Ricky Van Shelton. Enjoy!

**A/N: **Ta-da! Another chapter for you! This should be the end of the history lesson, but who knows where the muses will take me? Thanks to my reviewers! It really makes my day when I get a new one.

Hermione was elated when the offer to teach at Hogwarts came. Teaching was a time-consuming profession, but it would leave her enough time to work on her own projects during the year, and those precious summer months would belong only to her and her work. However, the best part was something no one else knew – something about which Hermione barely allowed herself to think. At Hogwarts, she would be close to him – to _Severus_. Her heart still hurt every time she thought about those icy words after the final battle with Voldemort. She had been a fool to think he would ever feel the same about her as she did about him, but that cold rejection shattered her fragile ego, and it had not yet fully repaired.

She held little hope that time spent at Hogwarts with him would have a positive influence on their relationship, but there was still the faintest glimmer of optimism buried deep within her. On the surface, however, she steeled herself and resolved not to let him get in her way. He would never want her in that way, and so she determined to try and find love elsewhere; to get over him by finding someone else who would love her back.

She sat down and penned her enthusiastic acceptance of the position.

--

_Two years later_

The cold November wind bit through Hermione's cloak as she walked through the meandering streets of Hogsmeade. Hagrid's birthday was coming up, and she was trying to find the perfect gift. She also wanted to get a start on her holiday shopping, but Hagrid's birthday was only a little over a week away, so she had to get that finished today.

She smiled to herself as she opened the door to the Hogsmeade branch of the Magical Menagerie. She shook her hair free, her hands reaching to smooth her hood back away from her head. If there were such a thing as the perfect _legal_ gift for Hagrid, this would be the place to find it.

She glanced around at the various animals contained within the shop, but was mildly displeased when she saw nothing outside of the ordinary rats and toads one normally saw in pet shops. She made her way to the counter where a smiling young man with slicked-back black hair stood smiling and waiting for her.

"Hello madam, my name is Warren. May I help you find something today?" He tilted his head those few degrees that the properly trained salesman always uses to put the customer at ease and Hermione couldn't help but smile just a little. She always thought that particular posture was less like 'confident salesman' and more like 'curious dog.'

"Um, I'm not sure, actually. I have a friend with a birthday coming up soon, and he has an odd penchant for rather strange creatures. Have you anything less ordinary than what's on display?" She smiled and lightly leaned against the counter with the palms of her hands on the edge. "I'm really hoping to find something today, since I'm unsure when I'll get another chance for shopping before his birthday."

Warren laughed genially. "You must be shopping for Hagrid. He does like the 'rather strange' ones we get in, doesn't he?" Hermione laughed and agreed with him. "You just might be in luck, Miss…"

"Granger. Hermione Granger." She stuck her hand out in introduction, and he took it with practiced ease.

"Ah, Miss Granger." He brought her hand up to lightly brush a kiss on its back before releasing it. "As I was saying, today could be your lucky day. We got something in this morning that we have yet to put out on the shelf, but it's right up Hagrid's alley. Would you care to take a look at it?"

Hermione felt excitement bubble inside her at the prospect of the perfect gift for her half-giant friend. "Of course! Where is it?"

"It's right back here," he said, gesturing toward a curtained-off area. "Let me go bring it out for you."

"Thank you, Warren." She grinned widely as he disappeared behind the curtain. His voice boomed loudly from the back room, "It'll be about a week before it's ready to go home with anybody, but it can be delivered anywhere after that, free of charge. They take a bit of TLC early on, and we like to ensure they are well cared for before sending them out into the public."

"Oh well that's just perfect for me then. I have about a week before his birthday, but I'm very busy between weekends, so that will work out nicely." She spoke in a loud voice to ensure that he could hear her. He swept back through the curtain just then, carrying a covered cage, which he set on the counter between them.

"Are you ready?" He smiled mischievously, sweeping the cloth cover from the cage in a fluid movement.

Her mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape in surprise as she stuttered out, "What… how… where on earth did you find this?" Her eyes were as large as small saucers. "Umgubular Slashkilters (1) are incredibly difficult to find! I've only ever seen them in pictures!" She paused for a moment and breathed out softly, "Hagrid's going to love it." Her eyes jerked back up to his face. "How much?" She hoped it wasn't too extravagant. She could afford to be moderately generous, but with Christmas coming up, she couldn't spend too much.

"For a lovely lady like yourself – and for Hagrid as well – I'll give you a real bargain. Twenty galleons."

The air left her lungs in a quick 'whoosh'. There was no way she could afford twenty galleons with Christmas coming up. "Oh. Um, wow. I err, um, I appreciate the discount and the thought, but I just can't pay that much right now. I'm so sorry." She sighed heavily and began pulling her gloves back on.

"Are you sure about that? I thought it was just what you wanted." Warren's face was filled with sympathy, and a bit of sadness for the loss of the sale.

"No, thanks. It would have been perfect but I just can't justify the expense. I have so many other things to purchase and I don't even have that much money with me. So thank you, you're very kind, but I just can't." The remorse she felt over leaving the Slashkilter was written all over her face, and she sighed again. "Have a Happy Christmas, Warren."

He waved forlornly as she made her way out of the shop and back out into the cold. Gentle snowflakes settled in her hair, the hood of her cloak forgotten on her back. She began the long walk back to the castle, the desire to shop having fled with the lost Slashkilter.

All along the street leading back to Hogwarts, she could see happy couples circulating through the cold, hands clasped, arms entwined, each person leaning into the other, and the strains of a Muggle song she'd heard on her last trip home came to the front of her mind.

_**I'm looking for a place  
I'm searching for a face  
Is anybody here I know?  
'Cause nothing's going right  
And everything's a mess  
And no one likes to be alone**_

_**It's a damn cold night  
Trying to figure out this life  
Won't you take me by the hand  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I'm with you **_(2)

A silent tear fell from the corner of her eye. _I could probably deal with it better if I didn't know who he was. But I do. I do know who he is. And there's my trouble. I have to start getting over him! He's never going to want me. Never. I'm just a stupid girl, a lousy insufferable know-it-all, a Gryffindor! I was stupid ever to think there could be more. _But that night spent wrapped in his comforting arms kept racing out of her memory to haunt her with its delicate perfection. She could still recall the spicy scent that had emanated from his clothes. It was a memory she cherished above all others, but one she desperately wished she no longer possessed. Still, she couldn't bear the thought of memory modification – it was just too much of an invasion of her most prized possession – her mind.

She finished her slow walk back to Hogwarts, blissfully unaware that someone had followed her the entire trip to Hogsmeade and back.

The night of Hagrid's party, there was a suspicious gift sitting with the rest. It was a large cage covered in elaborately embroidered fabric. The note was unassuming – just a plain white card attached to the handle at the top of the cage with a thin red ribbon. The contents of the cage, however, were remarkable. It was an Umgubular Slashkilter. Everyone's reactions mirrored Hermione's when she'd first seen it in the shop. There were gasps and murmurs of awe at the extravagance of such a gift. Hermione was confused when the half-giant loomed above her with tears in his eyes, gripping the small white notecard tightly in his large fist. He blubbered something half-intelligible about thanks and how he had always wanted one. She still didn't understand, until she caught the note up from his hand and saw her own signature affixed below the bright "Happy Birthday!"

She wondered at that, but didn't say anything besides some off-hand 'you're welcome.' Who had done this? Try as she might, she could never get the name of the purchaser from Warren – only that the man in question had not received the discount offered to Hermione and had paid the full 45-galleon asking price.

--

_Six Months Later_

Hermione was pacing her chamber restlessly. She had completed the requirements for her Transfigurations Mistress qualification, but had another major, original potion to concoct to qualify for her title as Potions Mistress. The problem was that she had absolutely no idea what to attempt.

Having begun to wear a visible path in her rugs, she decided to get out of her rooms and get some air. There were no students in the castle; they had all vacated for the Summer Holiday the previous day, so she had no patrol duties to take care of, and no students to catch her in her robe and nightgown.

Without any sense of direction or where she was going, Hermione left her portrait behind and set out on a walk of inspiration. She wandered up staircases and around hallways and past empty classrooms, all the while running through a list of potions in her head that could use a major overhaul for her project. She summarily dismissed every one as too easy or too hard or unmakeable for impossible to get ingredients. Before she realized the path she had taken, she found herself back at the top of the Astronomy tower. She stood back in front of the same parapets she had once considered using to commit suicide. The grounds were unchanged from this view, and in the calm quiet of the moonlit night, she found the tower a perfect place to think about all the things that were bothering her.

First, there was Snape. They had been nursing a fledgling friendship, of sorts. He treated her like a fellow teacher most of the time, which was with only moderately less disdain than the "incompetent dunderheads" that they taught. She allowed herself a small smile at the phrase. It was such a classically Snape thing to say. She sighed at the turn her thoughts had taken, and leaned down against the top of the parapet, propping her face in her palm. Her eyes glanced upward at the bright fullness of the moon and heard a solitary howl coming from the depths of the Forbidden Forest. _Poor Remus_, she thought. He still suffered from his Lycanthropy every month, and there were few attempts to increase the effectiveness of the Wolfsbane Potion. It took less and less of his feral nature away every time he downed the smoking contents of the goblet that Snape provided. _I wish something could be done to help him out._

It was as though the proverbial light bulb had gone off in her brain. There was a potion that needed to be fixed, and she needed to work on a potion. Ideas started branching out in her head, variations on the ingredients she knew, thoughts on the ones she didn't, and differences in preparation methods that could have a huge effect on how it worked.

She stood straight up, the excitement washing over her in waves, and she ran all the way back to her room to start getting it all on parchment before all the ideas fled in the harsh light of day. There was something else the Muggles had gotten right – the best work often really is done at 2:00 AM!

1- Umgubular Slashkilters are mentioned by Luna in OotP (thank you HP Lexicon!), but there is no context for what they actually are. Forgive me for a little creative license. :)  
2- Lyrics from Avril Lavigne's _I'm With You_. Don't own that either, but I sure love it a lot.

**A/N: **Wow, this really fleshed out more as I was writing than originally planned. And it took just a little different spin than I'd intended. But it's good! At least I think so. Reviews are love, you know. ;) Also, please don't be dismayed if there are some inconsistencies with this chapter and the first one. I am very unhappy with some portions of the original dialogue, and I'll be revising it to fit the changes I've made for this version. Bear with me as I fix what I hated. There will be a new chapter when I post those changes. It should pick up with the day we originally opened on, but considering the turn this chapter took, I make no guarantees.

Enjoy it guys. :)


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